25th

25th what you might ask? Well, my 25th birthday was last night (and last year, technically speaking). Birthdays are usually a sore spot for me- I hate planning for NYE and friends are usually with their significant others (gag). I remember one birthday in high school only one person showed up for my birthday. My mom drove us to Taco Bell for lunch and we ate at my house while watching TV. It was so awkward and I was thinking to myself that I really HATE my birthday being on a day where people so easily brush you off for other plans.

Not to say that other birthdays haven't been good but the 25th has been a hard one to swallow.... I did actually plan a dinner on the 30th. 12 of my closest friends that I have had the pleasure of getting to know in the past 2 years I have been in Orange County. I am so blessed to have them in my life and am so grateful for all the times they have supported me through the good and bad. Anyways, we wined and dined in Laguna Beach, went to my favorite gay club/bar, and called it a night before it even hit 12. Yes, I am a grandma! Then at 4am shit hits the fan. I have food poisoning.........just my luck! My stomach is in shambles (and still is!!) and all I can do is lay in bed. The occasional birthday text or call would come in while I literally spent my birth-DAY in bed. Come around 5pm, I popped some pain pills and forcibly got ready for the night ahead. I was able to eat dinner and a few beers without halt. The rest of the night was in DT Fullerton- I was drained....pain pills were wearing off....I wanted to opt out of my red dress and wear my pjs. Aside from the physical pain I was also dealing with the lingering emotional pain of the last guy I dated. From our last conversation he said he was going to call me on my birthday. Alas, I get nothing. No call/text/acknowledgement? Nothing. I ultimately wanted to use the time to finally close this ugly chapter of my life but that last call about 3 weeks ago will just have to suffice. Birthdays are about celebration but for the most part of my 25th-it was straight up suffering.

You know it's nothing new/Bad news never had good timing - John Mayer "The Heart of Life"

Idealistically speaking, the new year is the mark of new and better and passing with the old. For me, I am still living in 2011. I live in the hurt and pain BUT time heals all. 2012 will be a rebuilding of sorts. I have a lot of things in the horizon (new job opportunities/travels/etc). As I get older, change and growth are so hard but I have to embrace it all. God has a bigger and better plan for me!

He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years/This is Our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness/This is Our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely/This is Our God - Chris Tomlin "This is Our God"