2 days..

til commencement! it's finally here...
bittersweet.
me -> jobless. moneyless. sometimes i feel hopeless.

BUT. looking on the bright side.
everything is for a reason. maybe i wasn't supposed to go to s.e. asia. have you heard about the crazy thailand stories on the news? haha.
God has a crazy plan for my life. no idea what is next. everything is unexpected- good and bad- but there is a purpose.
it's all a learning process.....the hardships make the future that much more promising and satisfying.

on another note, my mom was like you were named after your grandma. now you have to live up to her legacy. thanks mom O_0
i hope i can live up to even a fraction of what my grandma was and stood for. a model of perserverance and love. of the Christian faith and of an everlasting hope. she was so self-less. i really miss her. i never got to say goodbye which kills me inside. but she is in a better place and is not suffering anymore. you are resting peacefully with our Creator :) 5.24.09

tuesday. april 14th.

to think that in less than 7 weeks i will be graduating is kind of a scary thought. should i move back home? should i stay in so-cal? i'm being pulled to both sides by different things. i'm scared to financially live on my own. the working world seems so daunting. and everyone is like "STAY IN SCHOOL AS LONG AS YOU CAN!" if only i could. i feel the need to be financially free, to be independent and rely solely on myself for what i need. the mommy and daddy bank are finally closing after 22 long years in business!!

i need a lot of growing up to do, but in the meantime, i am going to let my youthful extravagance run its course. i have been extremely blessed in my senior year readjusting back into college life. it's been a lot of fun. kickbacks at windwood, santana's late night, beer pong, king's cup, K-Town trips, the list goes on and on. i'm definitely going to miss the freedom that college life gives. to wake up late, take naps in the day, and having only a few classes to attend. you are surrounded by friends and always are making new ones.

taking a step back from the hustle and bustle of life, i am truly grateful for everyone and everything in my life. yeah, i can be a bitch but you know i still love you ;] and don't forget that, even when i make you mad with the senseless things i sometimes (well, kind of often) say.

growing up is hard to do but it has to be worth it in the end. at least that's what i am telling myself!

never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.
-h. jackson brown, jr.

2 weeks til the end.

i seriously cannot believe that my study abroad experience is almost coming to an end! omg! it's been a crazy year. first was Shanghai. so overwhelming. such a cluture shock. i was scared out of my mind, so hesistant to use my chinese and improve upon my conversational skills. i got ripped off by locals, boogered on walking down the street, and learned that life in china is rough. but also really rewarding if you put in the time to make friends with locals and with all the internationals around too! i really miss the days. though when people ask me about it, i can't really describe it, except in a negative sense, with all the dirtiness and all. but i really LOVED it there. words can't describe it. taking in all the good and bad.....the time there made me more appreciative of the life that Americans have and really put a more personal perspective on how life is so different there. the culture is different, but i shouldn't be mad @ the chinese people for being so dirty and unaware of being courteous or having common decency becuse their world has been turned upside down and change has been moving so rapidly. they need time to adjust and i will give it to them. and hope that China will become a country in less poverty, in more efficiency, and in more love for one another. because love makes the world go 'round!

that was feb-aug. and now in the UK for 10 weeks. i am so awesomely in awe with the traveling i have been able to do! i got to see a lot of places and i am sooo thankful for that! paris was my favorite! yeah yeah, generic right? but no, i loved it. the food, the people, the architeture, the culture, loved it! living in the UK has been interesting esp. since i didn't know that british people are so hard to understand. and they word things so funny! and it was also interesting to see how British people view Americans. (which is not very good.) and the cultural differences here too! but i do love that there is order here. people wait in queues (lines). they don't cut. they say sorry and please and thank you. they have a sense of personal space for others. etc...def not what happens in China. haha. again, i have left my studies for the end of the term!

2 weeks left and then i am out of warwick! crazy. it was only yesterday when i was first here and getting adjusted. it was only yesterday i saw london for the first time and was in awe and loved every minute of starting something new in the UK. and now it is almost gone :(
starting to pack is sad. but i am glad that i got to meet lots of great people! from all the diff UCs and from Wisconsin (MAYA!!) and internationally also. i hope to keep in touch and i am glad that there were so many riverside people at warwick this term. def gonna be good seeing them on campus when we get back winter qtr.

all i can say is, i am itching to travel more! seriously, traveling has opened new horizons in terms of where i want to travel! it's amazing the things you can do and the places you can see! i am really hoping the next big trip i take is to southeast asia. [thailand, cambodia, laos, burma, vietnam, singapore, malaysia] gotta save up that $$! haha.

for reals, i LOVE home. and i can't wait to see friends and hang out with family. i miss them dearly. my year of studying abroad is coming to a close. i hope that i will not go through horrible travel withdrawals! haha.